Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
why is half of my head shaved?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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