is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
