I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
