you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
