I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
