And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
