Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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