He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
