So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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