oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
