Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
