The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
