Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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