I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
