I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
