hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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