I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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