i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
