Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
