I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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