oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
