Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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