when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
