Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
