I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
