I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
