i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
