You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
