The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
