I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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