i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
