My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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