i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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