She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
