i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
