Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
