cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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