Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
