yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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