I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
