my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I can text with my tongue
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
