i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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