great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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