I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
BRING THE BAGELS
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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