Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
