we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
