Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
