So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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