I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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