I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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