have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
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