Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
