Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
a search helicopter?!
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
