You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
