Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
