She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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