Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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