He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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