I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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