Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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