4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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