No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
