Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
