Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
