it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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