I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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