note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
